did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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