Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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