If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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