Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
