so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
