Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
