Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
