Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
