Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
