I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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