so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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