Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
