just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
