Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
