i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
