fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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