I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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