Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
