There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
