between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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