He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
