This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
