im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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