I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
