the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
