Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
