Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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