she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
