These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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