What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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