just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
