why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Shame - the story of my life.
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