Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
