Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
