why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
