I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
