Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
