Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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