he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I don't deserve a penis
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
