haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
