I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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