Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
