question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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