is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
