I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
