Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
