He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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