I got chris browned last night
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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