Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
