Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
