i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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