People in love make me want to vomit
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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