so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
