...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
