Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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