I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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