Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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