Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
